Secret Service Dentists
by Lady Shinimegami
Summary: I got bored after watching too many Monty Python DVDs. So I made a lovely fusion.


****Secret Service Dentists****

_(Scene: A bookshop. Goten is standing behind the counter. Trunks enters the shot and goes up to the counter. Goten jumps and looks around furtively.)_

"Er... oh!" Goten said wearing a fake smile on his face. He had short black hair and black eyes, and despite his smile, looked nervous.

  
  


"__Good morning, I'd like to buy a book please," Trunks said pleasantly. He had short cropped lilac hair and had blue eyes. His smile wasn't fake at all.

  
  


"Oh, well I'm afraid we don't have any.__"

  
  


The shelves behind him were full of books, so was the desk in front of him. Books where everywhere in the little book shop.

  
  


"I'm sorry?" Trunks asked looking at the books with confusion.

  
  


"We don't have any books. We're fresh out of them," Goten said placing his hands on the books as if he meant to hide them, then he lost his smile and in an attempt to ride himself of Trunks said, "Good morning."

  
  


"Well what are all these?" Trunks asked pointing to the mountains of books before him.

  
  


"All what? Oh! All these, ah ah ha ha. Your referring to these... books," Goten said, his nervous look becoming more apparent.

  
  


"Yes," Trunks replied almost irritably.

  
  


"They're um ... they're all sold. Good morning."

  
  


"What all of them?"

  
  


"Every single man-Jack of them. Not a single one of them in an unsold state. Good morning."

  
  


"Who to?"

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"Who are they sold to?"

  
  


"Oh ... various ... good Lord is that the time? Oh my goodness I must close for lunch."

  
  


Goten then swung around the counter and began to push Trunks to the doorway in a futile attempt to make him leave.

  
  


"It's only half past ten." Trunks protested.

  
  


"Ah yes, well I feel rather peckish ... very peckish actually," Goten said and tried to look believable. "I don't expect I'll open again today. I think I'll have a really good feed. I say! Look at that lovely bookshop just across the road there, they've got a much better selection than we've got, probably at ridiculously low prices ... just across the road there."

  
  


Goten then opened the door ready to push him out. "__Good morning."

  
  


"But I was told to come here," Trunks said in a final attempt of resistance.

  
  


Goten quickly changed his mind and grabbed Trunks pushing him back in the door. Goten then looked around suspiciously and quickly closed the door.

  
  


__"Well. Well, I see. Er ..." Goten began very carefully. "__I hear the gooseberries are doing well this year... and so are the mangoes."

  
  


He winked.

  
  


__"I'm sorry?" Trunks asked confused.

  
  


"Er ... oh . .. I was just saying ... thinking of the weather.. I hear the gooseberries are doing well this year... and so are the mangoes."

  
  


Goten said, winking as if he had a twitch.

  
  


"Mine aren't," Trunks replied trying to make sense of this.

  
  


Goten nodded in anticipation. "__Go on..."

  
  


"What?" Trunks asked, confused yet again.

  
  


"Go on - mine aren't ... but..." Goten said smiling, genuinely this time.

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"Aren't you going to say something about 'mine aren't but Yamcha gets his at low tide tonight'?"

  
  


"No."

  
  


"Oh, ah, good morning," Goten then began to push him towards the door yet again, then he thought better of it. "__Wait. Who sent you?"

  
  


"The little old lady in the sweet shop." Trunks replied confused beyond imagination.

  
  


"She didn't have a duelling scar just here" Goten pointed to his left cheek "... and a hook?"

  
  


"No," Trunks answered, that was ludicrous.

  
  


"Of course not, I was thinking of somebody else. Good morning."

  
  


Goten attempted to yet again push Trunks out of the door, but Trunks stopped him. His eyes looked very sceptical suddenly.

  
  


"Wait a minute, there's something going on here," Trunks sais slowly eyeing the book shop.

  
  


__Goten spined around looking shocked and hurt. "What, where?" Then his face looked rather mischievous. "You didn't see anything did you?"

  
  


"No, but I think there's something going on here," Trunks said backing away from the door.

  
  
  
  


"No, no, well there's nothing going on here at all," Goten looked around as if signalling to someone,__ "and he didn't see anything. Good morning."

  
  


__Goten then shoved Trunks out of the store, but he quickly ran back in. "There is something going on."

  
  


"Look there is nothing going on. Please believe me, there is abso...__" two pale skinny arms then came up from behind Trunks, reaching ever so slowly for his neck. Goten frantically waved at them to leave, and they did so. " . . . lutely nothing going on. Is there anything going on? 

  
  


Just then Gohan, a man also with short black hair and black eyes, wearing glasses and a suit holding an AK-47 assault riffle came around the corner. "____No there's nothing going on," he said and disappeared again.__

  
  


"See there's nothing going on," Goten said with confidence anew.

  
  


"Who was that?" Trunks asked pointing towards the door where the man disappeared.

  
  


"That was my aunt, look what was this book you wanted then?" Goten said going back around to the other side of the counter. "Quickly! Quickly!"

  
  


"Oh, well, I'd like to buy a copy of an 'Illustrated History of False Teeth'."

  
  


Goten slowly turned around glaring at Trunks. "My Kami you've got guts."

  
  


"What?"

  
  


__Goten then pulled a gun out and pointed it at Trunks as he walked around the counter. " Just how much do you know?"

  
  


"What about?" Trunks asked backing up in fear and confusion.

  
  


"Are you from the British Dental Association?" Goten asked, nervous yet again.

  
  


"No I'm a tobacconist." Trunks replied confidently backing up against the wall, right beside the door where Gohan had appeared.

  
  


"Get away from that door." Goten warned.

  
  


"I'll just go over the other..." Trunks said and tried to ease his way past Goten to the front door.

  
  


"Stay where you are. You'll never leave this bookshop alive," Goten said smugly.

  
  


"Why not?"

  
  


"You know too much, my dental friend."

  
  


"I don't know anything."

  
  


"Come clean. You're a dentist aren't you."

  
  


"No," Trunks shook his head defiantly. "I'm a tobacconist."

  
  


"A tobacconist who just happens to be buying a book on ...teeth?" Goten asked doubtfully, raising the gun even more.

  
  


"Yes."

  
  


"Ha ha ha ha..."

  
  


__A short man with tall black hair and eyes then walked in. He wore a black suit and carried a pistol. He looked quite menacing.

  
  


"__Drop that gun, Son," Vegeta ordered.__

  
  


"Vegeta!" Goten cried in horror and obediently dropped the gun.

  
  


"There is something going on." Trunks said happily.

  
  


"No there isn't." Goten denied yet again.

  
  


"Ok Son, this is it. Where's Juuhachigou hidden the fillings?" Vegeta asked, pushing the both of them up against the wall, both their arms raised in the air.

  
  


"What fillings?" Goten asked innocently.

  
  


"You know which fillings, Son. Upper right two and four, lower right three and two lower left one. Come on." He put the gun up to Gotens neck.__ "Remember what happened to Krilin?"

  
  


"What happened to Krilin?" Trunks asked stepping away from the wall.

  
  


"Orthodontic Juunanagou gave him a gelignite mouth wash."

  
  


"I knew there was something going on." Trunks said triumphantly returning to the wall with his hands up.

  
  


"Well there isn't," Goten reminded him.

  
  


"Come on Son. The fillings!"

  
  


"They're at 22 Wimpole Street," Goten said quickly."

  
  


"Don't play games with me!" Vegeta ordered and then poked him in the eye with his pistol.

  
  


__"Oh, oh, 22a Wimpole Street," Goten corrected himself whilst holding his eyes in pain.

  
  


"That's better," Vegeta said with a smug little grin on his face.

  
  


"But you'll need an appointment," Goten reminded Vegeta, who thoughtfully nodded his head.

  
  


"Ok," then Vegeta turned to shout outside. "__Bulma! Make with the appointment baby. No gas."

  
  


__Gohan then sauntered through the main entrance with Videl, a girl with short black hair and eyes wearing a nurses outfit holding a steel dentist tray. Gohan had gotten rid of his glasses and suit and now wore a dentist outfit with many chains attached.

  
  


"Not so fast Vegeta!" Gohan yelled holding his AK-47 up to him.

  
  


"Son Gohan!" Vegeta exclaimed in a shocked voice.

  
  


"Yes. Now drop the pistol," he commanded.

  
  


"There is something going on," Trunks mumbled to himself assured.

  
  


"No there isn't," Goten mumbled yet again.

  
  


"Get the guns," Gohan ordered Videl.

  
  


__Videl walked forward and grabbed the gun and pistol dropped by Vegeta and Goten. She put them on her tray and covered them up with a white cloth.

  
  


"Who's that?" Trunks asked curiously.

  
  


"That's Son Gohan. He's on our side," Goten said, his arms no longer in the air.

  
  


"All right, get up against the wall Vegeta, and you too Son."

  
  


"Me?" Goten asked confused.

  
  


"Yes, you!"

  
  


"You dirty double-crossing rat." Goten yelled hurt.

  
  


__"What's happened?" Trunks asked, still very confused.

  
  


"He's two-timed me."

  
  


"Bad luck," Goten said in a reassuring way.

  
  


"All right ... where are the fillings? Answer me, where are they?" Gohan demanded.

  
  


"This is quite exciting," Trunks said with a content smile on his face.

  
  


__Goku then walked in holding a bazooka. He wore a green gi with a mask loosely around his neck, had messy black hair and eyes and had the most stupid expression on his face.

  
  


__"Not so fast," Goku warned, pointing the bazooka at them.

  
  


"Goku!" All but Trunks exclaimed horrified.

  
  


"Ooh, what's that?" Trunks asked with the curiosity of a child.

  
  


"It's a bazooka," everyone replied, still in their unison faze.

  
  


"All right. Get against the wall Son Gohan ... and you Videl." The two obediently went to the wall, their hands up in the air. They left the guns and riffle at the desk. "And the first one to try anything moves to a practice six feet underground ... this is an anti-tank gun ... and it's loaded ...and you've just got five seconds to tell me ... whatever happened to Lunch/Kushami?"

  
  


"What?" Everyone asked confused.

  
  


"Oh ... I'm sorry ... my mind was wandering ... I've had a terrible day... I really have ... you've got five seconds to tell me... I've forgotten. I've forgotten," Goku said, lowering his bazooka, a stupid grin on his face. 

  
  


"The five seconds haven't started yet have they?" Goten asked just to be sure.

  
  


"Only we don't know the question," Gohan pointed out.

  
  


"Was it about Buu?" Trunks asked.

  
  


"No, no... no ... you've got five seconds to tell me..." Goku trailed off.

  
  


"About Krilin?" Gohan asked.

  
  


"No. No."

  
  


"Brolli?" Vegeta asked.

  
  


"No. No."

  
  


"The fillings!" Trunks cried out.

  
  


"Oh yes, the fillings, of course. How stupid of me. Right, you've got five seconds ..."Goku cleared his throat. "Where are the fillings? Five, four, three, two, one, Zero!"

  
  


Nothing happened.

  
  


"Zero!" Goku said again, then he looked at his gun and laughed.__ "Oh! I've forgotten to fire it. Sorry. Silly day. Very well." Goku then said very rapidly "Five, four, three, two, one."

  
  


__The wall beside them all suddenly began to rise and a out rolled a man sitting on a dentist chair with a small blue cat on his lap. He wore a military outfit and goggles. Yamcha.

  
  


__"Drop the bazooka Goku," Yamcha ordered.

  
  


"YAMCHA!" Everyone, But Trunks, yelled shocked.

  
  


__Goku quickly dropped the bazooka and joined the rest against the wall.

  
  


"I'm glad you could all come to my little ... party. And Puar's glad too, aren't you, Puar?" He held Puar up.__ "Aren't you Puar?" Once again the cat said nothing, so he took out a revolver and shot her, then threw the cat away in disgust. __"That'll teach you to play hard to get. There, poor Puar's dead. And never called me mother. And soon ... you will all be dead, dead, dead, dead." Everyone began hissing. "And because I'm so evil you'll all die the slow way ... under the drill."

  
  


"It's one o'clock," Trunks suddenly pointed out.

  
  


"So it is," Yamcha agreed looking at his watch. "Lunch break, everyone back here at two."

  
  


__Everyone relaxed then. Yamcha got out of his chair and with the rest walked outside. The only person remaining was Trunks who slowly walked to the phone, he made sure nobody was around, then picked up and dialled a number.

  
  


"Hallo ... give me the British Dental Association ... and fast."

  
  


***

  
  


Trunks is tending to a patient, he then looks up.

  
  


"You see, I knew there was something going on. Of course, Yamcha made two mistakes. First of all he didn't recognize me: Briefs, Trunks Briefs, Special Investigator, British Dental Association, and second ..." he turned to his patient. "__Spit ..." he then looked back up. "By the time I got back from lunch I had every dental surgeon in SW1 waiting for them all in the broom cupboard. Funny isn't it, how naughty dentists always make that one fatal mistake. Bye for now ... keep your teeth clean."

  
  


_'TRUNKS BRIEFS OF THE BDA'_

  
  


__Background singers: Trunks Briefs, Trunks Briefs ... Trunks Briefs of the BDA .. Trunks Briefs, Trunks Briefs ... Trunks Briefs of the BD ...Trunks Briefs of the BD ... BD, BDA. 

'IT'S A MAN'S LIFE IN THE BRITISH DENTAL ASSOCIATION'

Colonel: __Right! No, I warned you, no, I warned you about the slogan, right. That's the end. Stop the programme! Stop it!!!

  
  


(Thank you Banky, for collaborating with me on that one. We make a good team. Well, that was mostly written by Monty Python, extra stuff was all me and Banky *Banky: IT WAS ALL ME!!!* Shut up tracer boy. *Banky: INKING!!!* Whatever. Anyhoo, I hoped you all enjoyed this, dunno what over came me when I wrote it... but it just... um... worked. Well, have a nice day)


End file.
